DAILY THOUGHTS

Why do i have a feeling that every thing is ending soon? At least for me.
On the sound of a train passing by, my heart bumped faster than usual. I suddenly realized this urging feeling that lives within my ribs, that everything is on the edge and i am only living to witness the final show.

I get this fear of losing my beloved ones and it is killing me because i deeply know i can’t and will not be able to do anything about it.

Besides, i really push myself to feel better, to stop all this craziness and chaotic mess inside me, but it only seems to grow stronger and spread its shadow over me.

I hate to admit it is a depression that can’t be cured easily. I was always following my gut feeling, it was always right, but now, i am brutally affected by it. My intuitive mind has been my guide this whole time, now it is only serving me as an annoying alarm.
Every time i hear the train i rethink everything, i anticipate a lot of deadly scenarios and details. I hate being this way, i no longer enjoy “life”, the strong noisy wind blowing on top of our roof, sleep nor any previously loved and admired thing i used to do and savour.
02:33 am.

If you ever felt the same way, been in the same position, please be strong and keep going no matter what. i know it looks very dark at the end of the tunnel, and maybe every single thought we have today may come true in the future, but at least we will have had memories with our loved ones to help us proceed in life. depression is a hardship that can be relieved only if you dealt with it. it all starts with you. nobody will be of any help if you are not ready to stand on your feet and fight back.

At this stage of my life, i know that this depression will be my guest for a long time, yet i am constantly pushing forward to defend myself and not let all traumatize me, and this is the idea i am trying to transmit in those words.

Be a Fighter & remember it is a blessing to be alive, don’t take it for granted, depression or any mental health issue is an obstacle that can be conquered.

Originally published at https://fatidesu.blogspot.com on July 7, 2020.

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